NOT YAWNING ANYMORE!!!

And so...I am taking 7 subjects this semester including one curricular subject (Parenting and Family Management and yes...they have such subject in IIUM and its A re-quir-eh-ment-h subject huh).

Anyway, these 7 subjects cost me 18.5 credit hours which I later found out that it is quite out of ordinary since most students take 15 credit hours. What's more is that, I later learnt (also) that one of the subjects that I've added to the 'list' is a fourth year subject (Linguistic For Students of Literature) and there were quite a number of peeps made a bit of a fuss over it but I just thought that it is a 4th year subject ACCORDING to the study plan book because the prerequisites of this very subject are 2 subjects that you ought to take during your first semester and I am currently in my SECOND semester. Hmmmm....

Regardless, I was beginning to feel slightly restless and was about to drop the subject but at the same time decided to attend at least one class to know what its all about. And what happened was that I instantly fell madly in love with the subject and I just couldnt imagine myself taking the subject next semester or the next 3-4 semesters later. I mean I dont think I have enough patience to contain this interest I currently had in me upon the subject.

Hence, I decided to take the subject after all. Besides, quite a number of friends (including a senior) said that if I think I can go on, then I should just go with it. Fine. I dont know for sure about my limits of abilities, whether I could carry on with it or not, but what I do know is that, as a human being we ought to test our limits once in a while. After all, I've always lead a 'safe' life this whole time until the day I decided to 'close my eyes and jump' (refering to the Eternal Change of Life episodes). Honestly speaking, the whole thing REALLY was (and is) an eternal change of life because since that day, nothing in my life had gone about the same route anymore; things are rapidly changing and many opportunities were suddenly offered and most of all, this whole thing REALLY had expand my horizon. So I thought that I should start taking my chances considering the fact that my life is nothing but ordinary since that fateful day which I think is a good thing: my life is not just a straight linear line anymore. :)

Anyway. It was not that subject alone that made me fall in love, but it was also because of the lecturer herself. One of the 1st things she said to the class was the most beautiful, sincere and nicest things that any lecturer/teachers could've said:

"One of the problems with the lecturers are that they do not personally know their students. We sometimes tend to forget that students are also human beings and they should also NEED to be acknowledged."

Something like that lah. And her short speech regarding the matter reminds me of my original lecturer for Mass Communication and a few others more that I have met along the way. Uptight-ness never really work for me. Too formal never really work for me either.

Just take a look at my Biology 3 and Arabic Level 2 results which suffered real bad just because of the way the teachers taught, teach and regard the students: with a pair of judging eyes, the sarcastic and demeaning voice, and much too high of an expectation, which never failed to diminish my interest in learning the very subject because I always found myself in the most stressful and uncomformtable state during class.

I think that if you are a teacher, you need to somehow build a bridge of connection with your students but then again, thats just me. I prefer a stress-free environment during lessons because it always give me air to breath and room to think and most of all it makes me feel so 'independent' if you know what I mean. I dont really care if the lecturer give dozens of assignments, I dont mind doing them as long as they treat the students with a sense of freedom-ness. After all, this is the university level we're talking about but we all know very well that this beloved IIUM has always been famous for applying random weird non-ordinary rules. *shrug*

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Anyway. This first week had been pretty bad actually; I started my week by getting myself lost (AGAIN!!!) for the entire hour...just looking for this stupid classroom which actually located on the VERY first floor (the floors at this uni, is just so deliberately damn confusing! sheesh~~), near a parking lot. NEAR A PARKING LOT!!! (-_-")

Other than that, my facial skin decided to betrayed me by getting all dried up (i got dehydrated and hadnt been drinking enough water actually eheh) and I soon managed to grew five HUGE zits across my face. While trying to keep up with the whole appearance-scheme-thingy-due-to-the-last-remark-someone-made thingy, my facial expression reads: dont-bother-me-I-am-sleepwalking-this-entire-time instead, which is so not the very kemas of me.

My emotions had been going up and down like a stupid broken meter (like my Baby's gas meter huhu still cant believe dad's REALLY IS gona jual him huuuu) but I mostly felt mellow...hmmm...perhaps...i feel very much like being Heathcliff hahah. Anyway the mellowness caused me my music assignments: I played all the happy songs as if I was playing funeral songs. SERIOUSLY. (-_-')

But I finally got my answer early this moring while I was in the bathroom: "Ahhhh...no wonderlah...its that time of the month~ haihhh~!" I should've known lahhh~ HAISHHH!!! So today is basically the most ordinary-feeling day I had this week. HOWEVER, i do feel as if I'd rather show up in class wearing an Ultraman mask despite of the whole zits-situation-alert thingy. Yep. Today I officially look like shit. Enough said!

P/S: ala~~~ takpe~~~ skali skala je tulis pjg2, da lame kan aku tak update so THERE! hahaha.

P/P/S: all thanks to the good mood that I havent had since about 7 days ago (T_T)

Still Yawning~~~~~~

Many a times have I sat in front of the computer and many a times I tried to write but many a times all thoughts were lost.

What I left in my 'previous life' was something bigger than mere memories; I left some part of me: my soul and my mind along with the sea breeze that blew across the roads that I've taken for so many times and upon the faces that I yearn to see, touching the smiles that erupt laughters that I missed too much.

I dream of being with the people that I am so familiar with that never give up on me; the people that I can rely on and tell them anything.

My life is not the same without my other half (for now though :p) because of just because.

My life is for sure not the same without those evening breeze that inspires so many things in my life.

I am for once still is trying to find my footing amidst of this old place and I still am trying, even now.

I do sometimes wish that the ground will open up and swallow me somehow so that I dont have to face these new faces anymore because I cannot find the courage that I once had (or mayb I never had it).

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just so u know, my dad is gona sell my baby (T_T)

and to my other half: SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!! AKU DA DAPAT GREENLITE DARI 'BOS' YAHUUU~~~!

YawN~~~~

I talk too much sometimes. I should learn to shut up for a change.

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Btw. Its freaking super duper WEIRD having to meet some peeps (or so) whom knew you through your blog, then they would go like: "R u THE Akmal?"

Ala. Baru skali je benda camni terjadi but it was still super WEIRD! (-_-") note: to nazriq, i hope ur not laughing ur head off reading this. sekian.But it wasnt as weird as having people calling me around as Molly though...and also wasnt as weird as having a lecturer calling me by that name besides of also refering me as Kema which is so informal of him. (-_-")

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Owh. Just so u know, I've finished The Alchemist LOOOOONGGG time ago, then i got malas to update haha. so dis means that MR Darus can no longer give me spoilers. ahahahahah!

So i am currently reading this book called Eh! Wat Yu Talking? chronicles of Malay humour by Syed Ali Tawfiq Al-Attas. The book wasnt the best book i've read, ok la kot, mayb a good bedtime story for ur kids or something n yeah...i cant find the book cover's pic on the net (sbb buku ni tak kaw kot heh). im almost done with the book anyway so i'll update my Current Book status when i start on a new one.

Cheers! =D

The Man In The Golden Casket

When I first heard the news of MJ's death, it was early morning and I was on my way to UKM to accompany my sis to regis for her Master's prog. Of course, I was shocked. I spent that afternoon in the car, listening to MJ's songs on the radio while waiting for my sis. At one point, I felt so sad that i feel as if i wanted to mourn over his death. By the time I got home, I was too tired to write anything huhu

I was first introduced to MJ by a friend named Abi. I was around 8 and we were at Level 2 in Scarrel Tarrace, Castlemilk, Glasgow, Scotland, UK. If im not mistaken, we just got back from somewhere and Abi invited us to her house to watch this 'cool video' and so, there I was sitting in Abi's living room, watching MJ for the first time in my life.

When we were kids, my sis n i usually gushed of how amazing his dance moves were n it would've taken him and the other dancers AGES to get the routines right. I once even thought that it is humanly impossible for any ordinary human beings to dance like him and those backup dancers always made me think about it over and over again. The dance routine in Smooth Criminal's vid totally got me awestruck. And there was a time when I used to literally melt everytime I saw him on TV because he was just SO 'beautiful'!

I can neither say that I ENTIRELY grew up with his songs nor can I admit that MJ's songs played a big role in my childhood because by the time I was 9, my music interest had COMPLETELY diverted towards Spice Girls and BSB (I totally grew up with Spice Girls and until today i couldnt really get over their breakup huhu). However, it was Micheal Jackson's Moonwalker that left such a big impression in my life because of the coolness of the whole I'm Bad and Smooth Criminal (i have vague memories of the other songs) dance routines and those 3 lil kids whom i kinda get jealous of.

the move that never failed to amazed me

As most of u already know by now, my father collect CD albums n such. Somewhere in my life, I made a habit of silently sneaking into my parents' room, had a peak at the collections and 'seludup' some and bring em to college. And during one of those mischiefs (just so u know, my dad sometimes noticed the missing CDs n the blame landed on my bro until i was caught red handed when my bro found some of dad's 'missing' CDs in my room hahah), I found MJ's no 1 hits and I immediately 'curik selama lamanya' (until today the album's wit me :P) and it was then that i started to listen to his songs. By the time I started to understand the whole music industry, I always regard him as a true music n dance revolutionaire because he inspires many people around the globe. If it werent for MJ, there will b no Wade Robson who once worked as a backup dancer for MJ when he was 5 and later became the choreographer for Nsync n Britney. Thats y lah nsync n britney nyer dance routing gler best nk mam! n yes. It was MJ that inspired Robson.

By the time I post this, i believe there are billions of people out there would have said the very same thing about MJ. He suffered enough through his life and he suffers still even after his death. I half believed and would like to believe that the golden casket was actually empty and everything else was just a hoax just for the sake of his fans; who knows that he probably was already safely buried somewhere right? This is why I decided not to write anything about him, that that this is my way of showing my respect over his death. but since someone asked me about it, i thought: "Owh well". but then again, i ended up writing about him anyway. owh well. (T_T)

May he rest in peace...and may Allah bless him...aminn

Thoughts

Along the way of my journey worth of nearly 22 years, I encountered people with no headings, no destinations, no future plan and just wept by the riverside, waiting for the biggest fish to jump out of it to dine.

Success do not come in overnight and it will indeed come straight to you in the upcoming years, gradually, slowly (usually) after sacrifices and hardships were met.

Something is wrong somewhere when you just finish high school but without any plans for future education and just wanted to work at the factory and later that year wanting to marry someone's daughter.

Something is wrong somewhere when you've become a mother and still living off your parents.

Something is wrong somewhere when you're 30++ years old, have no life and 100% depend on your guardians.

Something is wrong somewhere when you still have so many mouths to feed and you're still fit to work but decided to sit idlely by the side, smoking weed, digging nose while watching one of your kids huff and puff searching for source of food.

In those years of 18, 22, 30, 40 years of your life, many could be achieved, miles could have been traveled and yet there you sit, so still just like a full fed snake.

Life is just too short but just when are you going to start living your own life?

Its time to wake up, mate. Your dream is about to turn into a nightmare because life is not a fairytale where a fairy godmother woud blow all the failures away and cast success upon your life. It just can't do.

Bat for Lashes

Everyone, meet Natasha Khan.

She is widely known as "Bat for Lashes"

I first came across this lass while I was reading Star newspaper about a week (or so) ago. Anyway, later that day I youtubed her name and found this eerie, spooky yet so cool vid:

Anyway. Dont u tink she looks SO much like Lily Allen?? If they both were twins/siblings, Khan will probably be the dark side of Allen...or something like that heh. Btw, just so u know, I think Khan is a FAR better musician than Allen and to top it all of, Khan is just more creative. Check her out!

owh. yeah. i've been listening to her songs and im liking it! heheh v(^_^)

=D

Hutang Tag..LAGI! (-_-")

YOSH! Mari apedate belog melalui tag. (-_-")

Btw. 2 org tag aku dgn tag yang same.

Org No 1: Faris Danial

1- He is a................19 years old guy (eh betol ke? or it 20? huhu)
2- He is my cousin, on my dad's side, ank pak long aku.
3- Even though he is my cousin, i dont really know him actually sbb SANGAT jarang jumpe, probably once in every 4 years??? O Owh La La! :p
4- This dude used to look like my younger bro, they were practically twins! wat with all the same look, same height and the same interest in Beast Wars' action figures. HAHAHAHAH!
5- We call him Yis, as in THE yeast used in making breads and cakes. LOL!
6- His dream job is to become a teacher, ESPECIALLY a math/physics teacher n THAT is a noble ambition im telling u!
7- uhhh....see..??? told ya i dont him well. huh. but i do know he is the 5th child out 6 siblings. hehe
8- granpa once told me he is into the wrestling thingy and i heard he is so keen in building his body.
9- i also heard he is a REAL gentlemen.
10- owh..n...from what i observed during our last meeting (during my sis' wedding), he is an EXTREMELY good listener, EXTREMELY! from wat i observed lah! eheh. (>_<)

Org no.2: Amicus Curiae (err..i hope i spell that ryte huhu)

1- This amicus is a women!
2- She is a lawyer.
3- She recently married this dude whom i only met once (during the wedding) named Khalis, a future doc.
4- She is the older sis of Yis'.
5- She used to tell me how i looked like Isabella (from the isabella movie, i kid u NOT!) when i was a kid and called me Isabelon (mayb because aku gemok?? huhu)
6- As mentioned before, we rarely meet.
7- I think she has NO idea how much i missed her.
8- will b moving to India to live with hubby.
9- err..... owh. ryte. she loves literature.
10- she looks EXACTLY like her mom! =D

10 hobbies/fakta pasal aku:

1- i love books and i like reading em.
2- lately i feel as if im married to my books (0_o)
3- everytime i read, i tend to convey each word into images, regardless of the material (be it fictional or non-fiction, n yes including biology), it helps me to understand and focus more.
4- i hate it when people disturbed me when i'm reading because it will disrupt the images in my head.
5- when i have images in my head, those images are totally VIVID, as if i was really there, especially when i am trying to remember something.
6- i used to draw but not anymore, i think i lose touch on my drawing skills huhu
7- im currently having a HUGE crush on our electrician name Ah Ming, and also this chinese newspaper dude (stall die dkt ngn taqwa seri gombak) and also my sis' wedding photographer named Siddi. huhuhuhuhu. anyway. byk tak?? well. a girl can dream ryte?? hahahah
8- i just recently found out that i am part pakistani (my cousins n i r the r 5th generation), part siamese and part chinese...on my mom's side.
9- i am sure that im gona need to undergo an arranged marriage like my sis.
10- i like to travel and i am forgetful.

sekian!

O Owh La La!

Ok. Emotional past entries aside! I've been having quite a few good days since my 'major breakdown' moment aritu (Syukr!) tee-hehehehe

Anyway. I just came from watching Transformers...for the 2nd time! No jokes mate. This wasnt the 1st time anyway. Hahahahah!

Anyway. I find that the movie is ok. Erm...im not sure if its great or not because my sister fell asleep (huh) during the early part of the movie and woke up after hearing Sam Witwicky screamed like a lil' girl while Makaela was acting 'hero' and i just love that very scene (my most fav actually) hahah. The coolest robot in this movie was that female Decepticon bitch. She is just so cool and scary and hot all at the same time. And yes...she is a robot with a 'hormonal issue'. ahahaha. :p Well, as a whole, the storyline was just nice I think and the script is just clever and witty. Bonus points were gained through a number of humorous scenes (its Shia Labeouf lah demmit! owh. not refering to encik dammit sori! hahah) and the battle scenes was satisfying. Satisfying as in 'the-whole-battle-scene-was-the-longest-battle-scene-i've-ever-seen-in-any-action-movie' satisfying. HOWEVER! hahah. yep. the movie had this big major defect in one of its supposedly to be a simple effect. It was after Makaela decided that the Decepticon-bitch needed to kiss an electric poll (sorta) and WHOOSH! there came this Decepticon-helicopter where the heli 'scooped' up the team Sam's stolen-car-hot-wired-by-hot-gf/mechanic-like-duh~~ and brought it up to the sky and then BAM! dropped it in this shit place and ZOOM! the camera turned to one side of the car and WHAM! the airbags burst out for safety measure and then VOILA! you have a 'living' dummy's head came hitting (because-of-the-whole-physics-inertia-thingy) the airbag! It all happened in a split second! At 1st i tot my eyes were playing tricks on me but after watching it the 2nd time, it just gets a bit tad bit too obvious. But then again, my bro didnt even realize it. Owh well. Never tot i have such keen eyes. heh. (-_-")

ok. dah lah. ciao! =D

p/s: this kiddo never failed to put me down to shame!

Bearing with It

I woke up today. Quiet late but not that late.

Less than half an hour later, I started crying...again. I cried my eyes out, until my breath couldnt catch up.

I was looking forward toward this very day because I thought things arent that bad after all but little did i know that it is actually worse. I felt more alone than the last time.

I am now looking forward to the day where someone would rescue me from all of this but i dont know when will it be.

Ya. Aku mengaku, aku ni manja but i think its a good characteristic trait because at least i know i have feelings and it usually leads me to saying things like how i appreciate people or love them or proud of them. This manja trait of mine lead me to be a person who let the entire world knows what she feels inside.

Ya Allah....help me God...help me to erase this pain thats burning within me. It hurts so bad...

Sinking In

So my sister finally got married, at the age of 24, an arranged one that is.

I once mentioned of how emotional i felt when my sister was about to get engaged and i mentioned to several people of how numb my emotions were throughout the entire wedding 'process'.

Well. Tonight, when all relatives left our house, everything finally sinks in.

And so my sister finally got married and everything just sinks in and all at once, i never felt so alone in my entire life, given the fact that she no longer seems to b interested in my 'teenage life' and focuses most of her energy to her husband. I for once felt betrayed and officially friendless; i no longer have anyone who would go to the movies with apart from my bros n dad, aka guys when all i need is a bunch of galfrens.

For that, i feel as if i'd rather move back to kuantan where i wont feel so alone anymore.

A first one that is: upadating the blog with tears in my eyes n snots blocking my nose.